Introduction
“Honour your father and your mother.” With the fifth commandment, we shift our focus from our relationship with God to our dealings with other people. This is no absolute distinction. We saw, for instance, that the Sabbath principle affects how we deal with those who work for us. And we will see that the fifth commandment has everything to do with God. Nevertheless, the immediate focus of the fifth through the tenth commandment is on human relationships.
The fifth commandment is stated positively: “Honour your father and your mother.” Take seriously the authority they have over you. Not as a burdensome duty, but because it is wholesome to do so. The catechism, in q&a 104, applies this not only to my father and mother, but to all those in authority over me. As we will see, the Bible takes this broader approach as well. Especially as Christians, we recognize that our freedom in the Lord also means freedom to submit to authority.
Freedom to submit
1. Creation’s patterns of dependency
2. Christian respect for authority
3. Contentment even in subservience
Creation’s patterns of dependency
Between parents and their children there is an asymmetric relationship. Parents have authority over the children; children must submit. These are two very different things! Things go wrong when this relationship is turned upside down. Sometimes a society experiments with making the parent-child relationship more equal; it never lasts, because it doesn’t work.
Children are weak and need protection and guidance. From the beginning of their life, they enjoy their mother’s nurturing care and their father’s protecting strength. Obviously a toddler is not going to care for his mother, or protect and defend his father. There is a fundamental dependency of children on parents. And it is good this way. If parents indeed take up their responsibility, and children receive their parents’ care, it works best for everybody. Society is blessed when parents give leadership and children submit to them.
A good, yet asymmetric relationship between parents and children is the most basic way in which our society is ordered and organized. If that relationship breaks down—and that sadly happens a lot in the modern world—social chaos increases, criminality rises, as does depression and unhappiness. The fifth commandment is realistic when it says that we should honour their parents in order “to live long in the land,” to be a society that flourishes, can resolve challenges, and survive crises.
God himself designed it this way. His design for society involves asymmetric relationships. That is obvious for the relationship between parents and young children. But the principle applies more broadly. Employers who have leadership over their workers are also a healthy aspect of society. While the Bible does not explicitly recognize this as part of the creational design, it speaks highly of good leaders. In the same vein we have the relationship between a government and its citizens. “The authorities that exist have been established by God,” writes Paul in Romans 13. “The one in authority is God’s servant for your good.”
Parent-child, employer-employee, governor-citizen; to this list of asymmetric relations we can add teacher-student, elder-congregant. And before feminism swept western society, including the churches, it was perfectly natural to add the relationship of husband and wife. Even today we must recognize that this relationship is asymmetric, and that in general the husband must provide good leadership to his wife, to which she submits. That, too, is Biblical teaching.
Now you may object that some people claim authority illegitimately, or that they abuse it. Sadly, this is often the case. We live in a fallen world, the asymmetric relationships between people can be a hotbed of sinful attitudes and actions. We cannot and may not downplay the harsh reality of abusive parents, abusive employers, abusive governments, abusive teachers, abusive ministers and elders. But as is so often the case, the sin of abusiveness does not prove that the relationships themselves, or authority in itself is wrong. This is precisely where Marxism and its many offshoots go off the rails. They try to resolve abusive situations by overthrowing the structures of the entire society. But what they replace them with is always worse.
Christian respect for authority
In principle, then, structures of authority are part of God’s good design for society. What does that mean for us, Christians, who participate in all these relationships?
Well, we honour them. In our heart, in our thoughts we receive them as a gift of God. In our words, we speak respectfully about these relationships. In our actions, we show that we mean it. The fifth commandment uses the word “honour”, and the catechism explains that this means to show all honour, love, and faithfulness, as well as due obedience.
A Christian can therefore never be an anarchist, a rebel, or a revolutionary. This has not always been understood properly. Already in the time of the New Testament, there were believers who treated societal order with disdain. Hadn’t Paul himself said it? “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28)? Why play all these roles of secular society, when we are all equals in the Kingdom of God?
But Jesus’ apostles oppose this rebellious attitude. I already mentioned Romans 13, where Paul speaks positively about the government (even though he was familiar with the corruption and cruelties of the Roman authorities). In Phil. 4:5, he says that everyone should know Christians to be “gentle”; the word he uses has connotations of tolerance, indulgence, yielding, clemency. We should not be quick to point out unfairness and inequality; rather, we accept the demands of parents, professors, managers, and mayors even if they are silly and unreasonable. We make the best of the existing relationships instead of overturning them.
This practical teaching is more central to the Christian faith than you might think. The clearest indication is that at least three letters in the New Testament have a so-called household code. It encourages believers to be Christlike in all everyday relationships. The clearest examples are in Colossians 3, Ephesians 5-6, and 1 Peter 2-3. Three asymmetric relationships are addressed specifically: husbands-wives; fathers-children; masters-slaves. Every time, the hardest but clearest lesson is simply this: submit. Not only if they are Christians, but also if they are unbelievers. To all who have authority over us, we show generous respect and obedience, even love, because we recognize: it is God’s will to govern us by their hand.
And there is a beautiful motivation to do so. When Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, he says: do it “as to the Lord.” Likewise, slaves must “serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.” By submitting in these human relationships, we do not just please other people, but we please the Lord. We do it for his sake. Children, when your parents tell you to do something you really don’t feel like doing, do it not only for your parents, but do it to show that you love the Lord. When your employer puts you to work on a project, do your best, even if you don’t really like the boss and you could get away with cutting corners. Do your best, because in doing so you show respect for the Lord.
In these household codes, there is also a lesson for Christians who are on the other side of the relationship. If the Lord has given us authority, we may never be abusive. On the contrary, we may be expected to be more gentle, more considerate, more benevolent than unbelievers in our position. A Christian father does not provoke his children. A Christian husband does not run roughshod over his wife. A Christian employer does not exploit his workers. A Christian pastor does not treat his congregation harshly. A Christian governor does not alienate his citizens.
Because a Christian in authority should recognize that his position is a God-given task with a clear purpose: to be a blessing to those placed in his charge. And the great example for anyone who receives authority is the Lord Jesus himself. He was the Lord and Master of his disciples, yet he washed their feet. “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” If there is one way in which Christians overturn societal norms, it is by not taking advantage of positions of authority, but filling that position with a servant’s attitude.
Contentment even in subservience
So the fifth commandment calls us to honour and respect, to submit and obey in all relations of authority in which the Lord has placed us.
Does this mean that we yield and obey always, in every possible circumstance? If your parents give good instruction and discipline, as the catechism says, you should certainly obey, even if it is not pleasant. When your boss or your government tells you to do something and it is obviously the right thing to do, you should not be stubborn but do it.
However, not all authority is used properly. Your parents, employer, or government may tell you to do something that is wrong. Something that violates God’s law. Or something that they have no right to require of you. There are situations in which obedience is not only required, but forbidden. When King Nebuchadnezzar forbade prayer, Daniel kept praying to God illegally, and that was the right thing to do. In the Second World War, it was wrong for the Dutch churches to give the German occupiers information that would help them round up all the Jews. If your boss requires you to engage in immoral business practices, it is right to refuse. There is a place for saying no; there are valid cases for civil disobedience.
But such cases are rare. If there is no urgent grounds for disobedience, we are called to submit and comply. Even if we don’t like it. Even if we disagree with our parent or teacher, employer or governor. Those who have authority over us are fallible. They can be wrong. They have, as the catechism says, weaknesses and shortcomings. But this should not stop us from respecting them by listening and obeying. Rather, we are called to have patience with them.
This patience is a Christian virtue that is not easy to learn. More than once, the Bible presents patience or forbearance as a gift from the Holy Spirit. If we have a hard time with it, we should pray all the more for that gift. Lord, when my parents are mistaken, help me not to look down on them but to honour them patiently. Lord, help me to be content to do my assigned tasks at work, even though my boss makes a mess of it.
Contentment—that plays an important role here. Can you be content when you are not free to do what you want, because someone else has authority over you? We like to be in charge; that was even the very first sin of mankind, wanting to be like God and in charge of our own lives, rather than respecting his authority. As Christians, we learn to overcome this sinful tendency; we learn to be content to be under authority of others. In 1 Cor. 7, Paul addressed this explicitly when he wrote: “Each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.” (7:17) For instance, “Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you.” (:21) Whether you are the person in charge or an underling, you can serve the Lord in either position.
To encourage this, the apostle Paul taught us a great way of looking at our situation. To the believing slaves he wrote: “You are now a freedman of the Lord.” You may still be beholden to an earthly master, but Jesus set you free from spiritual slavery, and that is the freedom that really matters. To the believing free citizens he wrote: “Jesus bought you with a prize,” so you are now in his service and under his authority.
When we learn to see our lives from a spiritual perspective, these earthly authority structures simply become less important. What matters most to us is our relationship with the Lord. God is the one with the ultimate authority. He is our spiritual Husband, our Father, our Master, our King. He has authority over us, but it is never abusive, always for our good. That relationship is the only one that will remain in the end. All earthly relationships and authority structures are temporary. They will fade away.
If we realize that, we can be content even if we have authority figures that are less than ideal. We can put up with an unreasonable father, a bullying husband, an unfair employer, or a tyrannical prime minister; because we are the children and servants of Jesus, citizens of the Kingdom of heaven, and in the end that’s the only thing that matters.
Conclusion
So let us honour our father and mother, honour our teachers and employers, honour our government. They fulfill roles designed by our creator; it is God’s will to govern us by their hand. It is not always easy, because authority figures in this fallen world are imperfect and sinful, sometimes even wicked and corrupt. But as Christians, we honour God’s design and we honour our Lord Jesus by submitting even when it is hard.
The fifth commandment came to the Israelites with a promise: “so that you may live long in the land that the Lord, your God, is giving you.” It still comes with a promise today: if we serve the Lord faithfully in whatever position he has given us, he will give us an eternal reward. Under the perfect leadership of King Jesus we will live in perfect freedom and happiness.